Domestic abuse against men

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Not only women are victims of Domestic Abuse. Men can be, and frequently are, also victims of abuse in the home, either at the hands of their female or, in the case of same-sex relationships, their male partner. Abuse is a control issue – abusers believe they have the right to manipulate, control and humilate another person, and this belief is not only held by some men but also by some women.

Every year, 1,510,455 women and 834,732 men are victims of physical violence by an intimate. This is according to a Nov. 1998 Department of Justice report on the National Violence Against Women Survey. What does that mean?
Every 37.8 seconds a man is beaten. The data show that men are more likely to have a knife used on them or to be threatened with a knife, hit with an object, kicked, bitten or have something thrown at them.

Domestic violence is: Any incident or threatening behaviour, violence or abuse (psychological, physical, sexual, financial or emotional) between adults who are or have been intimate partners or are family members, regardless of gender or sexuality.

Male rape and sexual abuse

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What is male sexual assault?
Male sexual assault is when you have been forced to take part in any sexual act with another man or woman which you did not willingly consent to. Even if you did not resist or fight back at the time of the attack, it is still assault.

Who can it happen to?
Quite simply, anyone. It could have happened to you whilst you were a child or a teenager, or as an adult. It is not a ‘gay crime’ – it happens to more straight men than gay men.

Who are the perpetrators?
Again, it could be anyone – male or female. But the facts show that more men were abused from within the family than outside, and more men were raped by people they knew rather than strangers.

How common is it?
It’s much more common than most people think. Research statistics tell us that almost 3% of men reported a non-consensual sexual experience as adults and over 5% of men reported sexual abuse as a child.

Is it a crime?
In England there were changes to the 1956 Sexual Offences act in 1994 which made the rape of a man an equal crime to rape of a woman. Further updates to the Sexual Offences act in 2004 mean that the different types of sexual assault that men can experiences have been defined.

What kind of effects can male survivors experience?
It varies from individual to individual, but common effects include; feelings of isolation, depression, anger, anxiety, issues about sexuality and gender, substance abuse, self-harm, eating disorders, negative body image, fears about abusing, hyperconsciousness of body and appearance,  PTSD/C-PTSD and DID.

Who else is affected?
The psychological and mental health issues which survivors often experience, can also lead to real problems with relationships. So anyone who shares his life, be it partner, friend or family, can be affected.

Why is male rape and sexual abuse such a taboo subject?
Firstly, few people even realise that male rape exists. So a man who is trying to come to terms with sexual assault can feel like there is nowhere to turn. But secondly, society itself places certain expectations on men – they are supposed to be “strong” and “able to take care of themselves”. This only heightens the sense of confusion and self-doubt felt by survivors of male rape and sexual abuse; many of them end up blaming themselves.

Why do so many men suffer in silence?
Because of our society’s taboo about male rape and sexual assault it is rare that a victim will go to the police or seek immediate help – on the contrary, he will often be as desperate to keep it a secret as his attacker is. As well as the trauma and feelings of shame, many of our clients face the difficulties of people’s attitudes to male rape and abuse.

For more information on male rape see here

When men are the victims of rape

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It is impossible to estimate how many men are raped each year. Whereas 60% of women never report being raped the number of men who don’t report it is likely to be far higher, because they do not want to admit to the humiliation and degradation and do not want to have their sexuality and muscularity questioned. The problem has been ignored for decades, in part for this reason.

Men raped by men:

Many people assume incorrectly that the only males who are raped are children, or that male rape only occurs in prisons and between homosexuals. While it is true that many male victims of rape are young, the age range is as great as that of female victims, ranging from a few months to over 90 years of age. The primary difference seems to be the number of assailants and the degree of force used.
Male rape victims are often attacked by groups of men and usually sustain more physical trauma that female victims. Those victims who come to the attention of the authorities, however, may be a highly select group, since the physical trauma may be what precipitates their coming forward.
Male rape is more common in settings where women are absent, such as prisons. As with female victims, rapists attack men in an attempt to assert dominance and control.
Male survivors face many of the same problems that female survivors face. Like female survivors, males often are not believed or they are accused of being homosexuals who were “asking for it”. An article published in the southwestern medical journal in 1980 adviced physicians when examining a male rape survivor to “maintain a high level of suspicion, since in some cases the “victim” may have an ulterior motive in reporting the alleged attack. Even in the case of a child, the story may be fabricated in a bid for attention.”
One of the most devastating issue that a male survivor faces is having his masculinity and sexuality questioned by others. Many men protect theirselves from feeling vulnerable by beleieving that only gay men are raped, and so logically the survivor must “really be gay” and “must have wanted it”.

Men raped by women:

The belief that men cannot respond sexually against their will is incorrect. In reality male sexual responses can occur in a variety of emotional states, including anger and fear. For more information on this see here
In reported cases of woman on man rape men have been forced by a single woman or a group of women to participate in sexual activity, including intercourse under threat of physical violence. The men often reported being physical restrained, fearing not only for their general safety but also for their lives.
These men, just as anyone who is raped, suffer great emotional trauma, which often lasts for years after the event. Men raped by women are also more likely to hide the event out of fear of disbelief or ridicule, which often aggravates the emotional distress. The most immediate impact is a feel of disgrace and humiliation that makes them feel “less of a man”.
While they usually come to the attention of therapists when seeking help for sexual dysfunction, the men often do not associate the sexual issues with the rape. Once in treatment they may be involved with a therapist for years before divulging the assault.

Another major issue for men who responded sexually during an assault is that they later feel abnormal – that any “normal” man would have not responded. This adds to their feelings of inadequacy and may make them question their own sexuality or gender preferences. This is especially problematic in cases of teenage boys being assaulted by men.

Although men are often seen as the aggressors in reality they can be just as vulnerable and as traumatised as women, being victimised in the same way and succumbing to the same fears and trauma. Though the gender roles and expectations that society holds can often make the aftermath of a rape even more destructive to a man than it is to a woman.

Effects of childhood abuse

The effects as an adult can be severe and take years to work through. Often survivors spend years in therapy to overcome the effects of their childhood abuse that has crippled them from functioning normally as adults (Wiehe, 1997). Poor self esteem is a common effect. As children, victims of sibling sexual abuse tend to feel worthless, unwanted, inferior, unloved, and inadequate.

These feelings of worthlessness are often associated with guilt and shame which frequently leads to self-blame for the abuse. These kinds of symptoms can affect a person’s psychological development. Survivors can become overly sensitive to comments or criticism. Even looking for hidden negative meanings in positive messages.

Difficulty with interpersonal relationships and relationships with the gender of the offender are common problems of adult survivors of sibling sexual abuse. (Wiehe, 1997) Survivors tend to be suspicious and untrusting of others. They find it hard to become close to someone and trust them and often have problems controlling anger. Often survivors repeat the victim role in other relationships and enter into abusive relationships with both friends and romantic partners. Even as adults it can be difficult to view negative relationships as abusive because they tend to normalise

their abuse. Survivors can also have the opposite reaction and transfer their emotions about their experience of abuse to the offending gender in general. For example, they may feel fearful or hateful towards all men because the abuse was perpetrated by a brother who is also a man.

Self-blame and guilt are common emotions connected to sibling sexual abuse. The survivor feels that they had somehow allowed themselves to be abused and feel shameful and guilty for not being able to prevent the abuse from occurring. Often survivors blame themselves into adulthood.

These feelings can be made worse if during disclosure, a victim is blamed or not believed. (Wiehe)

Survivors often have extreme anger about the abuse which can be expressed in angry outbursts, anger at men, or anger provoked by various situations. Most survivors have to continually work towards controlling their anger especially when it is being directed inappropriately. Anger at their siblings or other family members can make it difficult to maintain relationships with the family of origin. (Wiehe, 1997) This can be very difficult for a survivor who may experience feelings of grief and loss due to the changes in the relationships in the family.

Sexual dysfunction is a common effect of sexual abuse. Survivors tend towards two paths; avoidance of all sexual contact or sexual compulsiveness or promiscuity. (Wiehe) Even though it is not as common, some victims of sexual abuse can act out and abuse others. This is called “repetition compulsion” and is an attempt for the victim to take him or herself out of the victim role and into a new role where he/she is no longer powerless. Boys who have been molested tend to repeat the abuse as girls tend to repeat the abuse as victims. Girls do not assume the role of sexual aggressor as often as boys but research shows that those who do usually have a background of lengthy and extreme abuse. The more common reaction of sexual compulsiveness or promiscuity could be viewed as an unconscious effort to overcome or deny their feelings of powerlessness, shame, and anger. Abuse contains elements of distrust, secrecy, danger, and physical or emotional abuse which is often recreated in the survivors’ promiscuous encounters in adulthood. It can also be seen as a confusion of boundaries between affection, sex, and abuse. It happens as a result of the developmentally inappropriate and personally dysfunctional ways a child’s sexuality was shaped. (Wiehe, 1997)

Some survivors also react by turning to drugs, alcohol, or eating disorders. These are used as coping mechanisms and eating disorders stem for a need to have control.

The emotional or psychological problems most commonly associated with sexual abuse are depression and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Depression can be evident in a child shortly after the initial incidence of abuse. The severity of the abuse is NOT correlated with the intensity of depression. Incidents of depression as adults are high. According a survey by Vernon Wiehe, 26% of survivors experienced depression that required hospitalization and 68% had attempted suicide, with 50% of those having more than one attempt. Anger and depression are often seen together. Depression can be defined as anger turned on oneself. PTSD is associated with symptoms of depression, general anxiety, anxiety attacks, and flashbacks. These symptoms can be triggered by events that remind them of abuse such as sexual activity or being alone at night or when in the presence of the perpetrator. Because survivors tend to push abuse out of their memory, repress, disassociate, or block-out memories, PTSD is an anxiety disorder which the survivor re-experiences the abuse. This can be a full flashback, or an emotional or physical memory or it may even be re-experienced in dreams (Wiehe, 1997).

Post-traumatic Stress Disorder can appear in children shortly after abuse or many years later as adults. PTSD is an anxiety disorder that can occur after someone has been through a traumatic event. SECASA defines PTSD as having the following criteria:

1. The person has experienced an event that is outside the range of usual human experience and that would be markedly distressing to almost anyone.

2. The re-experiencing of the trauma in at least one of the following ways:

a. Recurrent and intrusive recollections of the event.

b. Recurrent distressing dreams of the event.

c. Sudden acting or feeling as if the event were recurring.

d. Intense psychological distress at exposure to events that symbolise or resemble an aspect of the traumatic event.

3. A numbing of responsiveness or reduced involvement in the external world some time after the trauma, indicated by;

a. Diminished interest in activities and/or

b.Feelings of detachment or estrangement from others and/or

c. Constricted affect; unable to have loving feelings or to feel anger

4. In addition, at least two of the following symptoms must be present

a. Hyper-alertness or being easily startled.

b. Sleep problems.

c. Guilt about surviving or behavior required to survive.

d. Problems with memory or concentration.

e. Avoidance of activities that arouse recollection.

f. Intensification of symptoms if events symbolize or resemble the traumatic event.

The national center of PTSD states that symptoms of PTSD can be terrifying and can disrupt one’s daily life. PTSD symptoms usually start soon after the traumatic event, but they may not happen until months or even years later. They may also come and go over a period of many years. Many people who develop PTSD get better over time but some (about 1 out of 3) may continue to have symptoms and need to seek treatment to better cope. There are four symptoms of PTSD; reliving

the event, avoidance, numbing, and feeling “keyed up” or hyperarousal. People  experiencing PTSD may also have problems with drinking or drugs, feelings of hopelessness, shame, or despair, employment and/or relationship problems (including violence and divorce), and physical symptoms. Treatment for PTSD is available including cognitive-behavioral therapy, EMDR (eye movement desensitization and repressing), medication such as SSRI (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor)

Major depressive disorder, commonly known as depression, is another common psychological effect of sexual abuse. This can be in combination with PTSD or other emotional disorders.

Depression can severely disrupt one’s life, affecting your appetite, sleep, work, and relationships.

Symptoms of depression include;

• Constant feelings of sadness, irritability, or tension
• Decreased interest or pleasure in usual activities or hobbies
• Loss of energy, feeling tired despite lack of activity
• A change in appetite, with significant weight loss or gain
• A change in sleeping patterns, such as difficulty sleeping, early morning awakening, or sleeping too much.
• Restlessness or feeling slowed down
• Decreased ability to make decisions or concentrate
• Feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, or guilt
• Thoughts of suicide

Domestic violence against men study

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The recent report from Scotland provides no new information for those familiar with the issue of domestic violence against men. Many of the more recent studies and research has found that male victims make up a significant amount of the victims of domestic violence, but the lack of support services, anti-male bias in the support community and cultural bias against male victims keeps men silent.

This does not often sit well with the domestic violence community, and several within the community are quick to dismiss any findings of high rates of violence against men. However, what the Scotland research showed is difficult to deny:

Interviewees were asked about their experience of physical or psychological partner abuse both since the age of 16 and within the preceding 12 months. The findings included:

• 18% of adults who had had at least one partner since the age of 16 reported having experienced at least one form of partner abuse. The figure for women was 20.9% and for men 15.3%.

• However, in the most recent 12 months the figure for both men and women was 5%.

• The data for the last 12 months showed that young men aged 16-24 experienced physical and/or psychological abuse more often than young women and more often than any other demographic group.

• For persons experiencing partner abuse in the last 12 months, 48% of the perpetrators were male and 45% were female.

• Police came to know about 35% of incidents of partner abuse reported by women in the preceding 12 months but only 8% of incidents in which a man was on the receiving end. 40% of men told no-one compared to 21% of women.

Again, there are those who would dismiss those findings. However, the problem with the research the domestic violence community prefers is that the language of some of those studies portrays the respondents as victims, and many men do not view themselves as victims. Part of this is because of the cultural narrative that women cannot hurt men, but part of it comes from the domestic violence community itself and its framing of domestic violence as a man-on-woman only crime. Nevertheless, the language issue can seriously impact the results of a study. As was noted in the article:

[John Forsyth said,]“The research has to be commended for its rigour. When asked whether they had been subject to domestic abuse since the age of 16, only 3% of men and 14% of women said yes. However, when asked to report specific conduct by a partner that falls within the definition of partner abuse, the number for men rose 5 times to 15% and for women by half to 20.9%. This is hardly surprising given the tens of millions that has been spent by successive Scottish administrations on campaigns, support services and organisations targeted at women, encouraging them to recognise and report domestic abuse. In the same period precisely nothing has been spent on efforts to encourage men to recognise and report domestic abuse.”

My emphasis. The shift in the reporting rate shows how damaging ignoring male victimization can be and specifically why domestic violence should not be presented as a crime against women. As more research is done and as more male victims come forward, it is beginning to appear that the actual rates of violence between men and women is not significantly different.

There is no harm in acknowledging that, but there is harm in not acknowledging male victims. Maintaining the double standard established by the domestic violence community leads to instances in which women who violently assault their male partners get slaps on the wrist even as the judge acknowledges the double standard at play. One constantly hears there is never an excuse for violence against women, yet the narrative coming from those same people is that violence against men is minimal, unimportant and excusable. Numbers like those above contradict those notions and organizations like The One in Three Campaign can help fight for the recognition of male victims.

why do people with PTSD often have sleeping problems?

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There are many reasons why people with PTSD may have trouble sleeping:

Changes in your brain:

PTSD can cause changes in the brain making it difficult to sleep. Many people with PTSD may feel they need to be on guard or “on the lookout,” to protect him or herself from danger. It is difficult to have restful sleep when you feel the need to be always alert.
Medical Problems:

There are medical problems that are commonly found in people with PTSD such as chronic pain, stomach problems, and pelvic-area problems in women. They physical problems can make going to sleep difficult.

Your Thoughts:

Your thoughts can make it difficult to fall asleep. People with PTSD often worry about general problems or worry that they are in danger. If you have not been able to sleep for several nights (or even weeks), you may start to worry that you won’t be able to fall asleep. These thoughts can keep you awake.

Drugs or Alcohol:

Some people with PTSD use drugs or alcohol to help them cope with their symptoms. Drinking and using drugs can make it more difficult to fall asleep.

Upsetting Dreams or Nightmares:

Nightmares are common for people with PTSD. Nightmares can wake you up in the middle of the night, making your sleep less restful. Or, you may find it difficult to fall asleep because you are afraid you might have a nightmare.

Hearing a Noise:

Many people with PTSD wake up easily if they hear a noise. You may feel that you need to get up and check your room to make sure you are safe.

trauma effects (part 1 – the brain)

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Childhood abuse and other sources of extreme stress can have lasting effects on the parts of the brain that are involved in memory and emotion. The hippocampus, in particular, seems to be very sensitive to stress. Damage to the hippocampus from stress can not only cause problems in dealing with memories and other effects of past stressful experiences, it can also impair new learning. Recent research has shown that the hippocampus has the capacity to regenerate nerve cells (“neurons”) as part of its normal functioning, and that stress impairs that functioning by stopping or slowing down neuron regeneration.

In a study to try to see if PTSD symptoms matched up with a measurable loss of neurons in the hippocampus, Vietnam combat veterans with declaratory memory problems caused by PTSD, were tested, using brain imaging, these combat veterans were found to have an 8% reduction in right hippocampal volume (i.e., the size of the hippocampus), measured with magnetic resonance imaging (MRI), while no differences were found in other areas of the brain. This diminished right hippocampal volume in the PTSD patients is associated with short-term memory loss. Similar results were found when PTSD sufferers who were victims of childhood physical or sexual abuse were tested.

Further study on the question of memory and the hippocampus may some day shed light on the controversy surrounding delayed recall (or “recovered memories”) of childhood abuse. The hippocampus plays an important role in connecting and organizing different aspects of a memory and is thought to be responsible for locating the memory of an event in its proper time, place and context.

It’s suspected that damage to the hippocampus following exposure to the stress brought on by childhood abuse leads to distortion and fragmentation of memories. For instance, in the case of the PTSD sufferer who was locked in a closet as a child, she had a memory of the smell of old clothes but other parts of her memory of the experience, such as a visual memory of being in the closet or a memory of the feeling of fear, are difficult to retrieve or completely lost. In cases like this, psychotherapy or an event that triggers similar emotions may help the patient restore associations and bring all aspects of the memory together.

Besides the hippocampus, abnormalities of other brain areas, including medial prefrontal cortex, are also associated with PTSD.

The medial prefrontal cortex regulates emotional and fear responses. The medial prefrontal cortex is closely linked to the hippocampus. In several studies have shown dysfunction of both the medial prefrontal cortex and the hippocampus at times when patients were suffering from PTSD symptoms.
This dysfunction in these medial prefrontal regions may underlie pathological emotional responses in patients with PTSD. For example, sometimes a failure of extinction of fear responsescan be seen — a rape victim who was raped in a dark alley will have fear reactions to dark places for years after the original event, even though there is no threat associated with a particular dark place. In a study using combat-related slides and sounds to provoke PTSD symptoms, combat veterans with PTSD had decreased blood flow in the area of the medial prefrontal cortex. Significantly, this did not occur in combat veterans without PTSD.

PTSD – the invisible epidemic (part 1, the brain)

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Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is something of an invisible epidemic. The events underlying it are often mysterious and always unpleasant. It is certainly far more widespread than most people realize. For example, a prime cause of PTSD is childhood sexual abuse. About 16% of American women (about 40 million) are sexually abused (including rape, attempted rape, or other form of molestation) before they reach their 18th birthday

Childhood abuse may be the most common cause of PTSD in women, 10% of whom suffer from PTSD (compared to 5% for men) at some time in their lives, but many other types of psychological trauma can cause the disorder — car accidents, military combat, rape and assault.

Recent studies have shown that victims of childhood abuse and combat veterans actually experience physical changes to the hippocampus, a part of the brain involved in learning and memory, as well as in the handling of stress. The hippocampus also works closely with the medial prefrontal cortex, an area of the brain that regulates our emotional response to fear and stress. PTSD sufferers often have impairments in one or both of these brain regions. Studies of children have found that these impairments can lead to problems with learning and academic achievement.

Other typical symptoms of PTSD in children, including fragmentation of memory, intrusive memories, flashbacks, dissociation (or the unconscious separation of some mental processes from the others, e.g., a mismatch between facial expression and thought or mood), and pathological (“sick”) emotions, may also be related to impairment of the hippocampus. Damage to the hippocampus, which processes memory, may explain why victims of childhood abuse often seem to have incomplete or delayed recall of their abusive experiences.

The TRUTH of child abuse and trauma project

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“the trauma myth” is a book written by a “professional” on chid sexual abuse. The book basically implies that sexual abuse is not traumatic to a child as they “do not understand what sex is, so cannot understand that they are being victimised”…

There is more information on here writtings (and my opinion of it) here and here

I want to know what other peoples opinions are. Personally I feel that this “theory” is actually danagerous and sort of adds weight to the argument used by several peadophile rings of “the child isn’t being harmed”…

I also think that we need to counter this… I like the idea of a mass writting campaign, but I want your opinions and input. What do YOU think would be the best way forward?

The burden of child sexual abuse

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I stole this video from here

I think it really does more justice to this topic than my words ever could.