Reclaim the Night

Thousands of women from all over the UK and the rest of Europe will be travelling to London to attend the 7th Reclaim the Night march on Saturday 27th November 2010. Be one of them!

-Reclaim the nights website – http://www.reclaimthenight.org/

In Britain, it is estimated that one in two women will experience domestic violence, sexual assault or stalking during their lifetime, and rape convictions are at an all-time low – just 5.6% of all reported rapes end in a conviction. Every week, two women die at the hands of a former or current partner and new cases of child sexual abuse are reported weekly.And the idea that women should protect themselves by staying inside after dark seems to carry as much weight as ever. Recent coverage about women being “irresponsible” if they drink to excess and then report rape has given the distinct impression that the streets are only safe for very well-behaved, sober women, and then only if they venture out in daylight hours. Police still routinely warn women to “be careful” when out late at night, an approach that puts the onus on women to protect themselves, rather than pinpointing their would-be attackers.

In the summer a U.K. study revieled that a significant number of people thought that rape victims were at least partially to blame for their attacks. The various reasons that respondents blamed women for were the unsurprising — if she had been drinking, if she had worn something revealing, if she had engaged in some other kind of sexual contact with the rapist, etc. — but no less disturbing than they’ve always been.

In 2009 there was a 15% in reports of vioelce against women, and in 2008 there was a 8% rise in rapes. These are the only 2 crimes to have increased in number ove rthe last few years.

And now for some pictures of tonights event from our friends over at shadow light photography:

Domestic abuse against men

Not only women are victims of Domestic Abuse. Men can be, and frequently are, also victims of abuse in the home, either at the hands of their female or, in the case of same-sex relationships, their male partner. Abuse is a control issue – abusers believe they have the right to manipulate, control and humilate another person, and this belief is not only held by some men but also by some women.

Every year, 1,510,455 women and 834,732 men are victims of physical violence by an intimate. This is according to a Nov. 1998 Department of Justice report on the National Violence Against Women Survey. What does that mean?
Every 37.8 seconds a man is beaten. The data show that men are more likely to have a knife used on them or to be threatened with a knife, hit with an object, kicked, bitten or have something thrown at them.

Domestic violence is: Any incident or threatening behaviour, violence or abuse (psychological, physical, sexual, financial or emotional) between adults who are or have been intimate partners or are family members, regardless of gender or sexuality.

Vaginismus

Vaginismus is a sexual disorder that is characterized by the outer third of the vaginal muscles tightening, often painfully. A woman with vaginismus does not willfully or intentionally contract her vaginal muscles. However, when the vagina is going to be penetrated, the muscles tighten spontaneously due to psychological or other reasons.

Vaginismus can occur under different circumstances. It can begin the first time vaginal penetration is attempted. This is known as “lifelong vaginismus.” Alternately, vaginismus can begin after a period of normal sexual functioning. This is known as “acquired-type vaginismus”. For some women, vaginal tightening occurs in all situations where vaginal penetration is attempted (generalised type). For other women, it occurs in only one or a few situations, such as during a gynecological examination at the doctor’s office, or with a specific sex partner.

Causes

There are many possible causes of vaginismus. One example is an upbringing in which sex was considered wrong or sinful—as in the case of some strict religious backgrounds. This is common among women with this disorder. Concern that penetration is going to be painful, such as during a first sexual experience, is another possible cause. It is also thought that women who feel threatened or powerless in their relationship may subconsciously use this tightening of the vaginal muscles as a defense or silent objection to the relationship. A traumatic childhood experience, such as sexual molestation, is thought to be a possible cause of vaginismus and acquired-type vaginismus is often the result of sexual assault or rape.

Symptoms

Vaginismus can occur when any kind of penetration of the vagina is attempted. This includes attempted penetration by a penis, speculum, tampon, or other objects. The outer third of the vaginal muscles contract severely. This either prevents penetration completely, or makes it difficult and painful. The woman may truly believe that she wants to have sexual intercourse or allow the penetration, but that her subconscious desires or decisions do not allow her to relax the vaginal muscles.

Treatment – Psychotherapy

There are three settings in which psychological treatment can occur. These are in individual, couple, or group settings. During individual therapy, the treatment focuses on identifying and resolving any underlying psychological problems that could be causing the disorder. Problems stemming from issues such as childhood trauma or rape are often resolved this way. Revealing insecurities or fears about sex resulting from such things as parents’ attitudes about it, or a religious upbringing, can often be discussed successfully if the affected woman can trust her therapist.

Couples therapy is often used as treatment for sexual disorders, the idea behind couples therapy is that any sexual problem should be treated as a problem for the couple as a whole, and not just addressed as a problem for one person. Because this view is taken, the therapist interacts with the patients both separately and as a couple. The therapist addresses both the couple’s sexual history and any other problems that may be occurring in the relationship. Confronting these problems may help to resolve the cause of the vaginismus. Working with a therapist on relationship problems can be very effective— perhaps especially so if the vaginismus is caused by a subconscious use of vaginal muscle spasms as a nonverbal form of protest about one or more aspects of the relationship. The couple is educated about vaginismus disorder and given advice on the kind of activities that can be engaged in at home that may be helpful in overcoming the disorder.

Group therapy, which can be very effective, is another form of therapy for vaginismus. In this form of therapy, couples or individuals who have the same or similar sexual disorders are brought together. For people who are embarrassed or ashamed of their disorder, this setting can provide comfort and strength. It is often very beneficial to witness another person discussing sex and sexual problems in an open and honest forum. It can also help to inspire patients to become more open and honest themselves

Abuse affects all dimensions of human development and existence

Physical and neurobiological

In addition to such direct results of trauma as broken bones or ruptured internal organs, physically abused children often display retarded physical growth and poor coordination. Malnutrition may slow the development of the brain as well as produce such dietary deficiency diseases as rickets. In both children and adults, repeated trauma produces changes in the neurochemistry of the brain that affect memory formation. Instead of memories being formed in the normal way, which allows them to be modified by later experiences and integrated into the person’s ongoing life, traumatic memories are stored as chaotic fragments of emotion and sensation that are sealed off from ordinary consciousness. These traumatic memories may then erupt from time to time in the form of flashbacks.

Cognitive and emotional

Abused children develop distorted patterns of cognition (knowing) because they are stressed emotionally by abuse. As adults, they may suffer from cognitive distortions that make it hard for them to distinguish between normal occurrences and abnormal ones, or between important matters and relatively trivial ones. They often misinterpret other people’s behavior and refuse to trust them. Emotional distortions include such patterns as being unable to handle strong feelings, or being unusually tolerant of behavior from others that most people would protest.

Social and educational

The cognitive and emotional aftereffects of abuse have a powerful impact on adult educational, social, and occupational functioning. Children who are abused are often in physical and emotional pain at school; they cannot concentrate on schoolwork, and consequently fall behind in their grades. They often find it hard to make or keep friends, and may be victimized by bullies or become bullies themselves. In adult life, abuse survivors are at risk of repeating childhood patterns through forming relationships with abusive spouses, employers, or professionals. Even though a survivor may consciously want to avoid re-abuse, the individual is often unconsciously attracted to people who remind him or her of the family of origin. Abused adults are also likely to fail to complete their education, or they accept employment that is significantly below their actual level of abilit.

Marital rape Vs Stranger rape

Did you know that marital Rape was only made a criminal act in the UK in 1991? Up until then it was considered impossible for a man to rape or sexually assault his wife. To quote:
“A husband cannot rape his wife unless the parties are seperated or the court has by injunction forbidden him to interfere with his wife or he has given an undertaking in court no to interfere with her.” (The Law Made Simple, The Chaucer Press, 1981)

Stranger rape is usually a one-off, someone you don’t know, with whom you don’t share any experiences or history. When the assault happens, there can be no doubt as to what is happening: that it is Rape (though even in such situations the victim will often wonder what she has done to precipitate the assault and will blame herself).

In marital rape the circumstances are very different. It is – quite apart from a physical and sexual violation – a betrayal of trust. Here is a person whom you thought you knew intimately, with whom you share a history, a home and quite often children. Here is a person whom you have made love to on a frequent basis often over many years, with whom you have shared your most intimate secrets and fears, and whom you believe to love you, want the best for you, who would never intentionally hurt you. Marital rape is so destructive because it betrays the fundamental basis of the marital relationship, because it questions every understanding you have not only of your partner and the marriage, but of yourself. You end up feeling betrayed, humiliated and, above all, very confused.

Another problem victims of marital rape face is that such instances are rarely a one-off, but a repeated if not frequent occurance. This can be a huge issue to the victim, because she will feel as though she has somehow ‘asked for it’ by staying or putting herself in the situation where it can happen again. Also, once it has been tolerated on a number of occassions, she may question her right to then act upon it.

Many women who are victims of marital rape have great difficulty in defining it as such. The traditional idea that it is impossible for a man to rape his wife and that somehow, in taking our marriage vows we have abdicated any say over our own body and sexuality, basically denied ourselves the right to say ‘no’, is still prevalent amongst wives as much as amongst their husbands. A wife being raped will often question her right to refuse intercourse with her husband, and while she may realise that legally it now constitutes rape, there are many reasons which may prevent her from perceiving it in such a light.

We prefer to see it possibly as a communication problem (did I make it clear enough that I did not want intercourse tonight), we may see it as an act for which the man is not fully responsible due to his nature (men have a biological need to have sex and if there is a woman next to them in bed when they are in the mood they just cannot help it), we may see it as a misunderstanding (although I told him I didn’t want to, maybe I gave him the wrong signals somehow), we may have religious issues which question our right to refuse intercourse (I have got to submit myself to him and accept his will above mine as my Lord and Master).

Basically, as wives being raped by our husbands, we look for every reason, every excuse to deny it is Rape because we do not want to accept the alternative: it is Rape, he is hurting and humiliating us with intent, we can no longer trust him, turn to him in comfort, gain reassurance and protection from his company and our home is no longer safe.

Male rape and sexual abuse

What is male sexual assault?
Male sexual assault is when you have been forced to take part in any sexual act with another man or woman which you did not willingly consent to. Even if you did not resist or fight back at the time of the attack, it is still assault.

Who can it happen to?
Quite simply, anyone. It could have happened to you whilst you were a child or a teenager, or as an adult. It is not a ‘gay crime’ – it happens to more straight men than gay men.

Who are the perpetrators?
Again, it could be anyone – male or female. But the facts show that more men were abused from within the family than outside, and more men were raped by people they knew rather than strangers.

How common is it?
It’s much more common than most people think. Research statistics tell us that almost 3% of men reported a non-consensual sexual experience as adults and over 5% of men reported sexual abuse as a child.

Is it a crime?
In England there were changes to the 1956 Sexual Offences act in 1994 which made the rape of a man an equal crime to rape of a woman. Further updates to the Sexual Offences act in 2004 mean that the different types of sexual assault that men can experiences have been defined.

What kind of effects can male survivors experience?
It varies from individual to individual, but common effects include; feelings of isolation, depression, anger, anxiety, issues about sexuality and gender, substance abuse, self-harm, eating disorders, negative body image, fears about abusing, hyperconsciousness of body and appearance,  PTSD/C-PTSD and DID.

Who else is affected?
The psychological and mental health issues which survivors often experience, can also lead to real problems with relationships. So anyone who shares his life, be it partner, friend or family, can be affected.

Why is male rape and sexual abuse such a taboo subject?
Firstly, few people even realise that male rape exists. So a man who is trying to come to terms with sexual assault can feel like there is nowhere to turn. But secondly, society itself places certain expectations on men – they are supposed to be “strong” and “able to take care of themselves”. This only heightens the sense of confusion and self-doubt felt by survivors of male rape and sexual abuse; many of them end up blaming themselves.

Why do so many men suffer in silence?
Because of our society’s taboo about male rape and sexual assault it is rare that a victim will go to the police or seek immediate help – on the contrary, he will often be as desperate to keep it a secret as his attacker is. As well as the trauma and feelings of shame, many of our clients face the difficulties of people’s attitudes to male rape and abuse.

For more information on male rape see here

Child on child sexual abuse

Child-on-child sexual abuse refers to a form of child sexual abuse in which a prepubescent child is sexually abused by one or more other children or adolescent youths, and in which no adult is directly involved. The term describes sexual activity between children that occurs without consent, without equality, or as a result of coercion. This includes when one of the children uses physical force, threats, trickery or emotional manipulation to elicit cooperation. Child-on-child sexual abuse is further differentiated from normative sexual play or anatomical curiosity and exploration (i.e. “playing doctor”) because of overt and deliberate actions directed at sexual stimulation or orgasm. In many instances, the initiator exploits the other child’s naïveté, and the victim is unaware of the nature of what is happening to them. When sexual abuse is perpetrated by one sibling upon another, it is known as “inter-sibling abuse”

The incidence of child-on-child sexual abuse is not known with any certainty, similar to abuse by adults. It frequently goes unreported because it is not widely known of in the public, and often occurs outside of adults’ supervision. Even if known by adults, it is sometimes dismissed as harmless by those who do not understand the implications. In particular, inter-sibling abuse is under-reported relative to the reporting rates for parent-child sexual abuse, and disclosure of the incest by the victim during childhood is rare.

Sometimes this abuse is performed by children who have been sexually abused, either by family members or by adults or older children. Sometimes children who have experienced these things react by coaxing, manipulating, or forcing younger children into the same kind of sexual behaviour. Brothers and sisters may become the victims of this ‘second hand’ abuse. Sexually intrusive children who act out their own abuse in this way are sometimes called ‘sexually reactive’, sometmes this is a form of abuse reënactment to make their own experiance seem more “normal” or to give them a sense of power that was lost during their own abuse.

Child on child sexual abuse is a misuse of power and authority. Older children who sexually abuse their younger brothers and sisters frequently abuse them in other ways as well. Persistent putting down, teasing, or belittling younger children about their size, gender or other personal characteristics is called emotional abuse. Scaring younger children in dark rooms, telling them that no one loves them, or that terrible things are going to happen to them are also examples of emotional abuse. Much of the hitting, pinching and smothering of younger children is dismissed by bigger or older siblings who tell their parents, ‘We were only having fun’ or ‘We were just wrestling.’ However, this isn’t ‘just fun’ if it’s forced on the younger child; it is actually physical abuse.

Warning signs

Normal behaviour-

• Rubs genitals before falling asleep
• Explores differences between boys and girls
• Is interested in watching adults go to the bathroom
• Plays “doctor” with other children
• Plays “house”. Plays ‘mommy’ and ‘daddy’ roles

Behaviours that should cause concern-

• Frequently rubs genitals instead of playing
• Keeps asking questions about sex even after questions have been reasonably answered
• Persists in watching adults in the bathroom
• Forces other children to play “doctor “
• Pretends to have intercourse

Suggested reading:

Wiehe, Vernon. Sibling Abuse: Hidden Physical, Emotional and Sexual Abuse (2nd ed). Thousand Oaks: Sage Publications, 1997.

Examples

Three young boys, ages 8 and 9, accused of raping 11-year-old girl

Three boys, 8 and 9, charged with raping 11-year-old girl

When men are the victims of rape

It is impossible to estimate how many men are raped each year. Whereas 60% of women never report being raped the number of men who don’t report it is likely to be far higher, because they do not want to admit to the humiliation and degradation and do not want to have their sexuality and muscularity questioned. The problem has been ignored for decades, in part for this reason.

Men raped by men:

Many people assume incorrectly that the only males who are raped are children, or that male rape only occurs in prisons and between homosexuals. While it is true that many male victims of rape are young, the age range is as great as that of female victims, ranging from a few months to over 90 years of age. The primary difference seems to be the number of assailants and the degree of force used.
Male rape victims are often attacked by groups of men and usually sustain more physical trauma that female victims. Those victims who come to the attention of the authorities, however, may be a highly select group, since the physical trauma may be what precipitates their coming forward.
Male rape is more common in settings where women are absent, such as prisons. As with female victims, rapists attack men in an attempt to assert dominance and control.
Male survivors face many of the same problems that female survivors face. Like female survivors, males often are not believed or they are accused of being homosexuals who were “asking for it”. An article published in the southwestern medical journal in 1980 adviced physicians when examining a male rape survivor to “maintain a high level of suspicion, since in some cases the “victim” may have an ulterior motive in reporting the alleged attack. Even in the case of a child, the story may be fabricated in a bid for attention.”
One of the most devastating issue that a male survivor faces is having his masculinity and sexuality questioned by others. Many men protect theirselves from feeling vulnerable by beleieving that only gay men are raped, and so logically the survivor must “really be gay” and “must have wanted it”.

Men raped by women:

The belief that men cannot respond sexually against their will is incorrect. In reality male sexual responses can occur in a variety of emotional states, including anger and fear. For more information on this see here
In reported cases of woman on man rape men have been forced by a single woman or a group of women to participate in sexual activity, including intercourse under threat of physical violence. The men often reported being physical restrained, fearing not only for their general safety but also for their lives.
These men, just as anyone who is raped, suffer great emotional trauma, which often lasts for years after the event. Men raped by women are also more likely to hide the event out of fear of disbelief or ridicule, which often aggravates the emotional distress. The most immediate impact is a feel of disgrace and humiliation that makes them feel “less of a man”.
While they usually come to the attention of therapists when seeking help for sexual dysfunction, the men often do not associate the sexual issues with the rape. Once in treatment they may be involved with a therapist for years before divulging the assault.

Another major issue for men who responded sexually during an assault is that they later feel abnormal – that any “normal” man would have not responded. This adds to their feelings of inadequacy and may make them question their own sexuality or gender preferences. This is especially problematic in cases of teenage boys being assaulted by men.

Although men are often seen as the aggressors in reality they can be just as vulnerable and as traumatised as women, being victimised in the same way and succumbing to the same fears and trauma. Though the gender roles and expectations that society holds can often make the aftermath of a rape even more destructive to a man than it is to a woman.

The “rape controversy”

Had an unfun week… many arguments with many people, mainly on the topic of rape… on people lying about being raped, using it to punish men… which is odd as last time I checked rape was not gender specific, men can be raped too and women can be rapists.
So thought would take some time to discuss the topic here.

Now firstly I know I am biased, I hate the idea of anyone lying about having being raped for several reasons, the major one being that it makes people question the truth of the stories of those of us who HAVE been raped. I don’t think that people who spread these ideas of people lying about it realise how much it hurts to have people call you a liar. When you are raped all control is lost, your perception of the world is shattered, it’s no longer a kind, nice, safe place, suddenly it becomes a unknown, scary place full of danger and dangerous people. You blame yourself, and you’re convinced that others will blame you too, that they will judge you, pick the event apart and find a way to confirm that, yes, it was your fault.

Imagine if you left your car parked outside your home, that you always leave it in that place, but then one day you go outside and its been broken into. Then you go to the police and instead of helping they say “well you shouldn’t have left it in the street”. Now yes, that may be a valid point, but it’s not really helpful is it? Instead of being helpful advice it instead makes it seem as if you caused the burglary rather than that you could have prevented it.

Last week someone also said to me that if there is no evidence then no crime occurred :/ , seriously? So therefore we can all do whatever we like as long as we are clever and don’t leave evidence? I could murder someone by pushing them off a bridge and be totally innocent as the evidence may point to suicide.
How many trials do you think have ended due to insuffient evidence? In fact most legal systems do not even use the word “innocent” in part for this reason, a lack of evidence may be grounds to end a trial but a lack of evidence by no means proves innocence… a lack of evidence is just that, no proof neither of innocence nor guilt.

In the cases of rape this idea of evidence can be even more complicated. For a start few (if any) rapists are stupid enough to commit the act in the middle of a crowded street, so that’s witnesses out of the question. That and the fact of bystander apathy, I mean how many times have you (the reader) walked past a man screaming at his partner, a woman crying on the floor, etc, and not intervened? How many people do you think have been cornered crying out for help only for no one to come? I can even give a few examples of this, the most well known of which has to be the story of the “good Samaritan”, which to be honest I expect most of you will have heard, but for those who have not I’ll give a quick overview: in this tale a man is mugged and left hurt in the road, as he lay there people walked past crossing over to the other side of the road and ignored his plight. Eventually a man came along and helped the man, hence the name of the story of “the good Samaritan”. Another example of this is that of Kitty Genovese, who in 1964 was walking to her car in New York when a man attacked her with a knife, she yelled out and as lights turned on in a nearby building the man fled, when no one appeared on the scene though he returned to continue the attack. The whole incident lasted over half an hour during which time she managed to drag herself to the door of a building and was witnessed by thirty-eight, but not one person intervened or even called the police.
In college all the women had to attend rape safety sessions, in which we were told that if we were ever in a situation where we needed help never to shout “help” nor “rape” but instead to call “fire” as people are more likely to come!!!
And even when there are witnesses how often do you think they actually come forward? Even when they do they get treated like liars or criminals themselves for not intervening, told that if what was happening was wrong then they would have done something wouldn’t they? So obviously they are lying or exaggerating. Let’s just ignore the idea that a person can be scared, let’s ignore the idea of self preservation, let’s ignore that the person may not have known what to do, instead obviously they are just lying.

How about DNA? Surely there is DNA evidence isn’t there? Well not all rapes leave DNA evidence, using an object is technically rape, and objects do not have DNA. Also rapists are not stupid, they do know that they have DNA, they do know that they will leave evidence. Some will even force their victim to shower after the event, or will put things in place to ensure that they cannot report the event for a period of time which will limit the available evidence. Even without this though it can take a person a whole fully comprehend what happened, and even longer before they feel able to talk about or admit it. After being raped you’re not thinking about the evidence, in fact you’ll do anything to not think about anything involving the incident at all. But you can still smell them, still feel them, feel the dirt on you, slowly working its way through your skin into your very being. All you want to do is clean it off, to clean them off, to forget about it, to get rid of anything and everything involving it, in the hope that maybe, just maybe, if you clean enough and deny it enough, then maybe it didn’t happen, maybe it was not real.

In fact quite often the main source of evidence comes from character witnesses, and on the basis of a few people saying that the accused is a “nice person” many cases are dropped… as if no person if capable of being nice but also committing a crime… as if any wrong doing can be forgiven or ignored due to a lifetime of “niceness”. If I was to shoplift and then have a few people say “no, she couldn’t have, she’s too nice for that” no one would drop the case, and the fact would be that I had still shoplifted, still committed a crime, and it’s almost a character requirement of abusers to be able to live a double life, otherwise, well they wouldn’t be able to abuse anyone would they? Abusers are masters of deception, able to seem perfectly kind, normal and functional to the outside world, maybe even respected, yet as soon as that front door closes become mean, violent and abusive. How often do we hear on the news neighbours of convicted criminals and abusers say how shocked they are as “they always seemed so nice”?
This can sort of be seen as an example of the “halo effect”. People strive to maintain consistency in their beliefs, often at the expense of the truth. If a person has some salient trait that is good, it tends to colour the way in which all his/her other characteristics are seen. In the eyes of other people they are distorted to fit in with the one estimable trait. People are unwilling to accept that others may be a mixture of good and bad: they try to see them as a consistent whole. So in this case as the character witnesses describe all the persons good traits and list any good deeds they have done people are less likely to be able to imagine them ever doing something bad, especially not something as bad as rape. This is exacerbated by the tendency of the victims character flaws and past sexual history being questioned and enforcised to portray them as “immoral” or “promiscuous”.

One other thing people bring up during this discussion is that some people report a rape only to revoke their statement at a later date, people then interperate this as meaning that the rape never occurred and the initial report was a lie. But you have to take into account how hard and stressful a court case is, especially when you have been raped and so already feel vulnerable. When you report a rape every aspect of your life is picked apart, people imply that you are lying, people take small aspects of your life and blow them up to turn you into the bad one, it’s a painful and stressful experience, and many people just cannot cope with it. Add to this the fact that you have to see the person who did this to you, have to sit in the same room as them, here them accuse your testimony as a life, listen to them blow up every character flaw, all while you have to relive the event over and over both in your mind and through describing it to others.

Ok, now let’s have a think about why on earth anyone would lie about such a thing. Revenge? Honestly what the hell would anyone have to do to you for you to think that the best revenge would be to accuse them of rape? There are a million and one ways to get revenge on someone, who on earth would jump to a rape accusation as their first revenge plan?

Let’s now move on to the statistics, I hate statistics… you can use statistics to prove or disprove basically anything, you can manipulate them to say whatever you want. Also statistics on the topic of rape are difficult to acquire, a lot of people never report what happened to them which naturally messes with the numbers. A lot of people don’t report what happened but do speak to anonymous helplines and charities, so we can get an idea of the figures from adding these to the police reports, but even then we cannot get a definite idea of exactly how many people have been raped. Another thing which often screws with the data is that some reports take children into account whereas others do not which obviously messes with the numbers.
If we were to assume that the 1 in 5 statistic is correct though is this really “fear mongering”. As I was told it was last week? I mean ok, 1 in 5 is a lot, but that still means that 4 in 5 (i.e. the majority) will never experience rape… in fact all the 1 in 5 statistic really means is that pretty much everyone at some point in their lives will know someone who has been raped.

Right… now for the bit that I’ve been putting off… the idea of justifications for rape… when I told someone that I had been raped more than once the person decided that obviously I was a pole-dancer or a hooker, so therefore is it ok to rape people in these professions? Personally I think not, I do not think that you can say that people working in the sex-trade are ok to rape, no one should be ok to rape, because rape is not ok.
Some people seem to think that it’s a woman’s own fault if they were wearing revealing clothing, drunk, alone, etc. But I think that is ridiculous… so what? Men are not responsible at all? Men are just these creatures who cannot help but have sex with anyone who has some skin on show or who has been drinking? I honestly think that this way of thinking is not only hurtful to women, but actually demeaning to men, men are not just masses of instinct who cannot help themselves, and implying that they are is sort of implying that they are a lower being than women…

I have never heard these excuses in the case of male rape though… nor in cases of female rapists. So what can we gather from this? Maybe that people in general either do not believe or think about rape being anything but a man raping a woman, or maybe people think it’s ok to rape women but that the idea of raping a man or of a woman raping someone is not ok? In either of these ideas isn’t the route the same? A bit of a sexist stance?
In fact the idea that all women should not go out (or deserve to be raped if they do) in certain outfits, should not drink, should not go to certain places, etc. is not really too large a leap from “get back in the kitchen” is it? So we should live in a world where men can do whatever they like but if a woman does anything on their own or feel sexually liberated then they are in the wrong and should be raped? In fact that sounds a lot like the world one of my abusers would have liked to have lived in, he used to use sexual violence as a form of “punishment” if/when I did wrong. I’ve lived in that world, and I never want to go back to it, nor would I ever wish that world on to anyone.

The other ridiculous argument I’ve heard in the last week is that the idea of and the statistics surrounding rape are a “feminist propaganda” spreading fear and hatred of men… I don’t even know where to start with this… As I’ve already said rape is not limited to men attacking women, but can be men attacking men, women attacking women, and women attacking men. Also, feminism isn’t about hating men, I’m not going to write a essay on what feminism is right now but basically anyone who thinks it’s about hating men really doesn’t know much about the topic.
Also, if we quickly think of the logistics of this we’ll see that it’s not really feasible; this idea relies on a MALE DOMIATED police force altering the statistics of reported rapes. Actually, to be honest I don’t think I need to continue that point as I think it speaks for itself.

2 women resieve an appology from agencies who failed to protect them from 3 decades of abuse

Two daughters made pregnant 18 times over a 25-year period by their father have received an apology from the agencies who failed to protect them.

The apology was made at a news conference that revealed the findings of a serious case review.

The Sheffield man, who cannot be named, was given a life sentence after admitting 25 counts of rape in 2008.

The attacks resulted in 19 pregnancies, with nine of the children being born, two of whom died on the day of their birth. The other 10 pregnancies were miscarried or aborted.

The man’s identity cannot be revealed for legal reasons.

The following are some of the key events in the case:

Late 1970s - Suspicions raised at daughters’ non-accidental injuries.

1981 - Both daughters begin being sexually assaulted and then raped regularly.

1988-2002 – Doctors advised the women on a number of occasions to stop having children by the same father.

1988 – The women call Childline and ask for a guarantee that they can keep their children, but when one was not offered they end the call.

1990s - Family moves to several addresses in Sheffield and Lincolnshire.

1997 - The brother, who left home aged 15, alleges incest which leads to a police investigation, but no action is taken.

2004 - Family moves to South Yorkshire, where social services become involved. Abuse goes undetected.

February 2008 - Father rapes daughter for the last time.

June 2008 - Father is arrested.

November 2008 - Father is jailed for life with a minimum term of 19-and-a-half years.

May 2009 – The man wins a five-year reduction in his minimum jail term at the Court of Appeal. A judge said it should be reduced because the original sentence had been in line with those imposed for “serious murders”.